the LOST ones


My Sophia

I was 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a little girl. I had the most amazing pregnancy, no sickness it was perfect.

But at around 5.00am on Saturday 10th December 2011 i went into labor. I was so scared, i called my mum and she came to pick me up and take me to hospital. As soon as i got there i was taken to a room for a scan so the midwives could have a better idea of what was going on.

You know that feeling when someones thinking something, and their eyes are telling you somethings up even if they say not one word. That's what it was like when one of the midwives tried to find my little girls heartbeat. She brought in a sonographer who scanned my stomach only to tell me that there was no heartbeat.

I have never had more heart wrenching news in all my life, and i resented both of those women for that split second because somehow, i thought it was their fault i was feeling like this. When really they had one of the worst jobs in the world, having to tell someone their baby was no longer alive.

So i was given a private room for myself and my family to settle into. I wanted my partner, my mum and his mum to be with me when i had to do this. They were all i had now.

So after around 10 hours in labor i needed to push. And out she came sleeping...she was so beautiful and i have never been more proud of anything in all my life.
Leaving her in that hospital without me is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and i will never forgive myself even though there was nothing more i could do.

She is forever my angel and always my first baby. I miss her more and more everyday.

So we just celebrated her first birthday by releasing a sky lantern to heaven for her. All the family gathered and we wrote on pink balloons and send everything up to her. I know she would be smiling down on us now and know that we will always have a piece missing from our lives now she's gone.

My life will never be the same without you Sophia. The most sweet, pure innocent thing in the world taken from us.

I will always love you and think of you everyday.

Millions of cuddles and kisses send to you my beauty.

Mummy xx

By Emily C

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