the LOST ones



Ill never for get things were GREAT ..this year was awsome.I was working and I already had four wonderful kids day wasnt feeling well found out I was having a fourth baby ..omg was I shocked ..but very excitted .I was so sick ..every day from the time I found out ..with hyperemisis .in bed every day and night ...taking care of my other kids was very difficalt .but I did it ..I was living the life after a couple months after beeing sick ..going places with the kids and taking pictures of me and my big belly and injoying the fact I was having a boy ,,I was going to name him alessandro what a great name ....I went to the doctors all the time he called my a hyporcondract ..because I didnt feel like this baby was going to make it ..I just didnt feel like he was in the on my 13 week I saw the baby in altrasound he was sooo cute he was sucking his thumb and looking at me was great I have never seen that before ...the kids were so excitted to see that ...after that moment everything changed I was feeling better about things ....about my 16 week to the date ..I went to the laundrymat and there was water on the floor ...I fell right on my bum legs ..out and omg i thought i broke my neck I hurd a pop .in my neck ...but I dont brake it ...I was in shock kids were there with me and helped me to my knees ,I didnt know what to do ..when I got up I felt fine ...just kind of in shock ....slowly I got up and went to the van and drove tot he hospital and there it was 9 hours so i went to the walkin ..he said he couldnt find a heart beat omg was i freekin ....but he told me babies dont die from falles ....this is what all the docotrs told me everytime i saw one after my fall .....about 21 weeks i went in to find out the sex of the baby and due date ..and guess WHAT HE WAS DEAD ......they told me he dies at 16 weeks ..about 4 days later i woke up to wet bed and running tot he bathroom ..thought he fell in the toliet but he didnt ...I went to the hospital and they tryied to induce me with putting things in my bum and pumping me with meds ...but nothing was bring him out ..not even pushing I didnt was a dnc ..or dne they called it ..i wantted to keep trying to pushing out ..but after 2 hours he wasnt coming so i had to have the dne...I saw my son ...he was in peices and it was horrable for me .....I thought i was goiing to die I wantted to die 3 days i had to prepare his funeral ...that was a fight because here in ontario before 20 weeks you cant bary a baby ...only after 20 ...but he dies at 16 weeks and I went into labour at 21 weeks so they let me keep him ...and have the funeral this day ...I kick myself for not following the intuition of myself ...and its going on 2 years and I still have so much anger for doctors and towards the hospital for the way they treated me while i was going threw all of this ...and no after care ..had to go looking for that myself ....

By Tiffany Aello


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