the LOST ones


Ceanna Marie Gwinn Forever My Precious Angel

Ceanna's site :

Ceanna Marie was born Jan-29th-2007,Monday at 5:16 PM. I had a healthy pregnancy,no major problems, just very sleepy all the time. Ceanna's heart stopped on the monitors during delivery once & she was very blue at birth.. They told me at the hospital it was nothing to worry about "it was a long delivery" After Ceanna was born her dad Bill and I stayed up till 1:30 in the morning cuddling with her, we slept a few hours and the next morning around 7AM... We were almost ready to go home released by 2 doctors the one whom delivered Ceanna and a hospital pediatrician, Then slam !!! The pediatrician that I had requested for Ceanna Marie got there and examined her and said we were staying for another night for observation, Said he felt something was wrong but wasn't quite sure what, so we were to stay another night and he would give her some oxygen... He came back into the room 15 min's later and said. "We have a problem It's her HEART " I said is this serious(being in total shock) he said yeah I'm afraid it is... I said could she die? he said, Yes,she could..." then he said let us pray... Dr.Hardway, Myself & Ceanna's Dad Bill joined hands and prayed for Ceanna. They informed us that she had a hole that was closing up in her heart and she needed a medicine that the hospital did not have, and that every hour was critical. A Sheriff was sent to a nearby town 45 min away to get the meds and bring them back for Ceanna's survival. The Meds got there and they gave them to Ceanna and she instantly turned into a beautiful pink color & the hole was held open in her heart till we could get transported to Morgantown WV University Childrens Hospital (Ruby Memorial). I must say it was God & the use of Dr.Hardway for Ceanna to survive the first day. He said God put it upon his heart to keep lookin, all he had noticed was a blue ring around Ceanna's little lips. but kept pressing on to find out what was the matter with our Angel. I pulled myself out of the hospital bed with partial numb legs and took a shower and took my IV's out of my arm and packed to go to Ruby Memorial. It was a snowy day and we were at times going 30 miles per hour on the interstate. Ceanna was takin by ambulance because the weather was to bad to fly by helicopter. I remember the ambulance passing us with our daughter inside and crying and praying on the way. It was a 2 hour and 15 min drive to that hospital and little did I know it would be mine and Bill's home for the next 43 days. We arrived at the hospital and when we got there Ceanna was hook up to everything you see in the picture above. Total life support, From my precious girl in pink to tangled with hoses and wires. We were told she had HYPOPLASTIC RIGHT HEART SYNDROME and was told there was no reason for what caused this and it happened befor I knew I was pregnant because the heart is the first thing that developes.They say it can be enviromental,genetic,who knows?I asked Dr.Rhodes the first face I seen when i went to Ruby will she live? and he said yes, He was truthful he just didnt say how long. They told us they can "fix" her condition in a series of 3 surgeries,one at birth,one at 6 months and one at 2 and 1/2 to 3 years young. She had her first surgery on Feb the 1st and everything was successful,They put a BTshunt into her tiny heart(a piece of plastic) and her body accepted it well. They boasted to us at what a qucik healer Ceanna was and how awesome she was doing, They gave us VERY HIGH HOPES, as days clicked by Ceanna became stronger and stronger. The only issue was her feeding she would only consume 30ml of milk about 2 teaspoons on her own and this went on for weeks..and weeks and weeks... Bill and I never left Ceanna we would watch her in shifts. He would take nights and I took days, My shift was most often from 11AM (morning) till 12Am(night) and he covered midnight till 11 in the morning. We would go days and days feeling exausted and wouldnt see each other but a hour here and there. Still yet we kept pressing on for little Ceanna Marie,The Dr's suggested a feeding tube "G" Tube (for the 3rd time) be placed into Ceanna's stomach and this time we agreed because we could see she was just to tired to drink what she needed to be healthy.She needed to get fattened up so to speak for her next surgery.Ceanna was scheduled to have her "G" tube placed on March the 12th the day of her death. On March the 11 th the night before her surgery, I held her for over 2 hours and loved on her,fed her,talked to her and left her to sleep. Bill & I both left the hospital,and was going to get some extra sleep because we knew the surgery day would be a Long day for both of us and we both wanted to be therefor that . and we called and check on her at 1 am and we was was told by the nurse exact words " She is sleeping like an angel" and at 2:30 am we get a call to get there immediately, I asked. "Is she crying" She said we need you to come NOW. I said is Chrissy there to speak with? she said Yes she is here but she can't come out of Ceanna's room.... My heart sank....I knew something was very wrong! I said We will be right there! We got dressed and was there in 9 min... We walk to the glass doors of Ceanna's room and could not believe what I was seeing !!! no less than 20 to 30 people in and about her room, she was laid out hooked to all sorts of needles a breathing machine and so on stark naked. I said ...WHAT IS GOING ON.... no one answered. and I YELLED YOU TELL ME NOWWWWWWW... and a nurse rushed to me and pulled me away from the glass doors.. I sat in the hall crying and I don't remeber a thing the woman said to me. They called for the chaplin and I knew we were in Deep trouble. I made my way through the crowded room and laid hands on my Ceanna Marie and prayed for her aloud,Not caring what others thought or who seen me. I was praying for my daughters life !!! They ( the Dr's & so on..) become to know us all after spending 43 days with them & odd to say we had a relationship with some after our lenghty stay, from nurses,doctors,dietitians to custodians...Some grew attached to Ceanna and cared for her very much.Bill and I went to the chapel during all that chaos and asked that Gods will be done, Ceanna's kidneys shut down and then her liver & her blood would no longer clot...God saw fit to call our daughter home.We sat for hours watching and waiting.First the meds were turned off, then the breathing machine. I wont lie, I cant see and understand why? After she had her "G" tube we were going home in 7 days!!! 7 short days we were all home free.Then slam !!! Gone...Just like that ripped from us. Her dad Bill and myself held her in her time of death.. I sang to her,I told her where she was going and I told her a day is a thousand years and a thousand years is as if a day, that there is no concept of time in heaven and she would not miss me very long....That I would be there soon, I sang you are my sunshine my only sunshine to her as she was passing ..because I sang it to her everyday...I held my Ceanna for 40 min after she passed away and it seemed like 5 & went back into her room and laid with her and held her twice more, It was so hard to leave,I didn't want to let go...I have everything of Ceanna's...She bled on my shirt and her dad's shirt..I have the blanket she died on..covered in blood.I smell her clothes,I cry till I throw up.. Nothing can fix this .. Not even time... They tell me my daughter cried herself into shock.The nurse was preping her for surgery and inserting an IV & that Ceanna got really angry, and would not stop crying and that is what caused the sudden onset of what caused her death. Hard to swallow, She lived through major heart surgery and cried herself into her death? I can't express to you enough how much of a normal baby girl Ceanna was the last 4 weeks of her life, She healed quickly from her heart surgery & had a few problems inbetween but nothing like one would think.. She had the hiccups every day lol... poor angel....She loved when mommy done her bath and she loved to be rocked and sang to. Ceanna was at the stage where she would grab-reach for things and she would reach up and touch my face and my hair, and grabbed her dad's beard...She loved her jungle mobile..This is so unfair...Ceanna was born on a Monday and died on a Monday She lived on this Earth for exactly 6 weeks. I want her back !!!!

By Catherine Gwinn Mommy to Ceanna Marie


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