the LOST ones



Hello. I was raped on December 3, 2008. On January 5, 2009, i learned i was pregnant. All alone, too. I cried for 3 weeks straight not knowing what the heck to do. I kept crying. My sis, Raylynne, aged 22, was 7 months pregnant with her 2nd boy. When I was raped. And by January 29, 2009, she'd had her baby boy. Owen. When i told her i was pregnant, she cried too. It was very stressful and scary. Nerve racking. I got scared. I was 6 months pregnant on June 5, 2009. I was at my appointment, and I was told my baby died. I cried even worse!! :( IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! It sucks to lose a child. I know. I had to be choice. It hurt. And, it still does. It always will until I hold my girl again. I was induced at 4:30 PM, June 5, 2009. It took 2 days!! It was awful!! I was praying it was a dream.......but, no, life is not that kind. It's awful. I guess around 12:30 AM, June 7, 2009, my water finally broke. I did not want to deliver my daughter, I prayed she was ok....she was alive....but no, life, again, is not that kind. She was alive 2 weeks ago!! How did this happen?! HOW!! WHY!! :( I guess at 2:29 AM, I was told that I was 10 centimeters dialated, and I had to push. NO!! PLEASE!! TELL ME IT'S A DREAM!! WHY?! WHY?! HOW?! HOW? It hurts soi bad!! The pain never goes away. It isn't fair!! :( At 2:34 AM, June 7, 2009, I gave birth to my beautiful stillborn girl. It was so upsetting when there was no crying. Just silence......nothing more. WHY?! WHY?! I held her. I cried and screamed, and yelled: "PLEASE TELL ME IT'S A DREAM!! PLEASE, LORD, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!" They said her weight was 2 lbs. 8 oz. 15.4 inches. So tiny. IT'S AWFUL!! That day was rainy and cruddy, just how i felt too. On June 10, 2009, her funeral. It was 72 degrees out, sunny, breezy, to perfect a day for my baby girl to be gone....dead. It's not fair!! WHY?! WHY?! My only answer is God needed another angel. I cannot wait until I see her again!!

Thanks for reading my baby girl's story. I feel for you all out there. I know your pain. I feel it everyday. I'm so sorry for your losses out there, I know how tough it is. It never gets easier. You can smile and laugh, but, deep down, it still makes you want to scream and cry. We'll see our angels again.....someday....but when always a mystery.

-Thank you,
Samantha Koltz, aged 17, raped 12/3/08, gave birth stillborn, 6/7/09, 6 months pregnant. It hurts. x0x0x0x0.

By Baby Seirrah's Mommy, Samantha, aged 17.


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