the LOST ones


Our Darling Angel Caeden Hugh

Caeden Hugh Alsop
Born @ 5:45am on Saturday 18th October 2008 @ 21wks 1d Gest.

On the 9th of June 2008 one perfect Day 3 8 Cell Embryo was transferred. 2wks later we got our BFP Blood Test which so happened to be the 23rd of June also the 1 year anniversary of my Uncle's Passing who I miss everyday.
We took it as a good sign as this pregnancy was ment to be. At 5wks 5d on one of my routinue toilet stops I discovered I was bleeding. Panic set in.

I rang Mark at work and he quickly rushed off home and took me up to the hospital. I was getting cramps on my left side and at first they thought I may have had an epotic pregnancy. I was given some panadol for the cramps and Blood Tests and sent home put on Strict Bedrest. I went and saw the OB a few days later for a scan I was 6wks along. The scan showed part of the Membranes had come away from my Uterin Wall and a clot had formed. The bleeding had basically stopped, a wee blod with a heartbeat could be seen.

So carry on with the bedrest and fingers crossed all stays as it should. 6 Days later Panic set in again as I started to bleed again and this time it was very heavy. Mark got the dreaded Ph call at work again and rushed home and took me up to the hospital. I was given IV fluids, Blood Tests. We were basically told I was miscarring and to go home and wait to pass the baby.

During this time my HCG levels were rising nicely how could this be. I did another Blood test a few days later and another good HCG rise so this wee bub was hanging in there. I had another scan at 8wks to discover this bub was infact 3days ahead of itself in size. The wheels were put in motion to get the Shirodkar Stitch put in place at 11wks.

On the 8th of August 08-08-08 which is ment to be a very lucky day was the day I had the Stitch put in. Prof Stone did an excellent job. My cervix was behaving and was nice and long so he got a good length for the stitch.
Back home and still contiue with the bedrest. The weeks slowly crept by.

It felt like I had been pregnant for years let alone days. I was now going thru the Secondary High Risk Clinic at Taranaki Base Hospital. I was appointed an OB Jeremy Smith and a Midwife Laura who were both Excellent. I saw the MW every 2wks for routine Urine test to check for all sorts of things and an OB appt every 4wks. I had freak out moments and panic would kick in from time to time. I plodded along and got past the point where I lost Keegan at 17wks 4d and then had to focus on getting past the stage I lost Camden 20wks 1d. That day came and went and I started to feel more postive about this pregnancy. I even started to look at baby stuff and even brought some new curtains for the Nursery online. I guess I had one week of feeling happy and thinking this one is going to be the one.

On Wednesday 15th Oct I had 2 friends over for morning tea. One so happened to be a few weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy so we sat there rubbing our ever growing bellies chatting about the things we miss in pregnancy and how we were looking forward to having our baby's. That afternoon I got more Visitors. Marks Aunty and Uncle who came to help Mark finish off mowing the lawns which was nice gave him one less thing to worry about. That night was Baby Loss Memorial. We went along to light candels for our boys. I started to feel a bit icky whilst there just didnt feel myself. So I sat on the Park Bench and just watch children running around playing whilst having cuddles with another friends 10wk old baby. I didnt think much of it but everytime I would stand up I would get a little trickle. I thought my pelvic floor muscles might of weakened a little. Thrusday I woke up with back ache and felt odd all day. I just thought maybe I just overdid it a bit the day before. That night I couldnt sleep due to cramps and not feeling myself. I thought it was poo pains and ate bunch of prunes in hope of helping things along.

That didnt really do much. I took some Panadol and went back to bed and slowly drifted off to sleep. I woke to feeling even worse. So I got up had a shower hoping that would make me feel better and went and rested on the couch watching tv. When I got up to the toilet I noticed Blood on my Pad.

So once again Mark got a desperated call at work. He rushed home and took me up to the Hospital. There I did my usualy pee in a pot which was rather cloudy with gunk in the bottom. The OB registar came in and saw me and informed me I had what they thought was an UTI and that was why I was feeling like crap. Was admitted and put on IV antibotics and fluids. I kept getting these cramps and told the MW who offered me a hottie for the cramps and told me its normal with an UTI to get cramps. So I dozed on and off thru the night. I got up at 2am to go to the toilet. As I stood up I felt a gush and soaked my PJ bottoms. I rang for the MW who came in to find me standing there soaking crying I had wet myself. I paniced as I thougth my waters had gone but it was only a small amount not a huge amount like it should have been. It wouldnt have even been a cup of fluid it was enough to soak me and a few drops on the floor nothing big or major. The MW took my Pad which was glad I was wearing and took some swabs from it. She didnt think it was my waters as it smelt/looked different. So I got changed this time into a Hospital Gown as Mark had only brought me in one pair of PJs due to thinking I was only goin to be in overnight. So I txt him saying can you please bring me in some pjs and undies please had an accident and wet myself. The cramps were getting worse so took some more Panadol and hugged the hottie alternating between my back and front.

Somehow I managed to doze till about 4am which I got up to go to the toilet. As I stood up I felt heavy really low. I waddled off to the toilet and felt down there to discover that the baby was right there. I went to the Nurses station to find my midwife and in tears told her the baby was coming. Panic set in she quickly helped me back onto my bed and sure enough two little feet were hanging out. She yelled out to the other midwife to quickly ring Mark to come in NOW!!! I was in so much pain.
I yelled to the midwife the Stitch its still in there!! The oncall OB was phoned and he rushed in. I was taken into a Delivery room to see if he could to the stitch but it was too painful. I was in full blown Labour and for the 1st time experiencing Contractions which aint very pleasant at all!!

I had no pain with Camden and Keegan so this was a whole new experience that I will never forget. The OB decided the best thing to do was to rush me up to surgery and knock me out with a GA and deliver this baby and see how much damage is done with the stitch. So an orderly was paged and I was rushed up to surgery. I laid on my side the whole way up cluctching my tummy cry ing in pain and my heart breaking as I was loosing another beautiful baby.

Once in surgery they turned me onto my back onto the operating table and I felt Caeden fall out. By this stage they had an Oxygen Mask over my face and I was screaming out for my MW tryin to tell her the baby was here. I dont know how she managed to hear me scream out to her. She started yelling at the Anthenist to stop to let me see the baby but they ignored her and knocked me out. Mark was with the orderly in a little lounge off recovery getting organised to get into scrubs so he could take the baby as soon as Caeden was born. He turned to see the MW coming towards him with Caeden in her arms tears streaming down her face. She spent a few mins with Mark him in awe of his new son who was just beautiful and perfect. She had to go back into surgery to see how I was doing. Her first question to the OB was "How is the Stitch" his puzzled look and tone he stated "Its still intact" as he removed it!

Her next question was "How is the cervix"? Again a Puzzled look and tone he stated "Ummmm Fine cant see any tears or damage there is no bleeding from the Cervix"!! That really had them scratching there heads. The placenta came out whole so yay no D&C like the previous two times. I was cleaned up and started to bleed really heavy so was given IV drugs to help contract the uterus down. I was wheeled into recovery to wake up. When I woke I asked the Nurse if the baby was a boy or a girl her responce was "I dont know"!!

Geez thanks. Mark soon appeared by my bed with a little basket and all wrapped up in a warm blanket was our little boy. Mark had claimed all the way thru it was going to be a girl well many thought that too I wasnt so sure I guess I knew in my gut that it was a boy but was praying for a girl and a different outcome. We were wheeled back down into Maternity to spend some quiet time together before a flurry of visitors which started rolling on the door at 9:30am. They didnt stop all day.

The next day Sunday Mark went down the Road to get the Casket. The OB registar came in and saw me. She basically said ohhh its was Incompetent Cervix. But I had pain this time surely it wasnt. She also claimed no infection ummmm the swabs etc were still pending and the BT's I had done showed infection. I asked her how did Caeden get out thru the stitch and did no damage her responce was "Oh he must of gotten out the side"!! Ummmm isnt your Cervix a sort of tube how the heck do you get out the side? Im sure there aint any windows or doors and I know I didnt sent up a little shovel for him to dig his way out. So who knows. She then said to me if I want to try again I need to loose ALOT of weight and get myself back on track so its better for me and baby!! Ummm I have just given birth!! I thought I did pretty well to get to 21wks Pregnant and after 5mths bedrest only gain 3kgs which is now gone!! I asked about a 6wk check with an OB and was told "No you dont need one!!!" Off you go now on your merry way and we might see you next year sometime for your next one. YOu dont need anything more from us bye bye now!! Mark got back with the Casket to find me in tears. We went home and I emailed Prof Stone and told him what happened. Also emailed the MW I had and told her what the OB said. The next day I got a ph call from the Community MW who came and saw us that afternoon.

Sunday night I spoke with my Ex Boss who is an OBYGN and told her everything. She answered alot of my questions. She agreed with me it wasnt my Cervix this time if it was I wouldnt have been in the pain I was in. She helped me realise I had a slow leak from my water and I just didnt realise well now I do. Once your memberanes go infection can take hold really quickly and that is what she thinks happened. So basically I got an infection around Caeden that set off preterm labour and lost him. Unlike his Big brothers Caeden was born Sleeping his big brothers were alive at birth and died shortly after. I have requested all of my notes, lab results everything and will forward them onto Prof Stone and see what he had to say.

The Shirodkar Stitch did its job and was doing a fine job if this other problem hadnt arisen I would have made it to full term.

Tuesday 21st of October darling Wee Caeden was laid to rest with his Big Brothers. It was wet rainy day where even the sky was crying. I just couldnt believe I was going thru this nightmare all over again. Its isnt going to happen again!!!

Caeden was 245gms (3.5 hours after his birth) with a head circum of 17cm.

He was perfect just tiny. He had the biggest feet and long fingers. He had toe/finger nails and the starting of a fine fuzz on his head so was already growing hair. He had eyebrows. His tiny button nose was just perfect and little tiny ears. I am so inlove with him and his big brothers. Those who saw him thought he looked alot like me but I could see his daddy in him too.

So where too from here. Well dont know. Am just very empty, lost and confused at the moment. I want my baby back in my womb!!

By Fleur AKA MrsSloppers

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