the LOST ones


An Angel Born Sleeping: Joshua Matthew Ortiz

Children are not suppose to die...Parents expect to see their children grow and mature. Ultimately, parents expect to die and leave their children behind...This is the natural course of life events, the life cycle continuing as it should be...not the other way around. Now I am left here to grive my Precious Child...Joshua Matthew.

What does it mean to honor a loved one's memory? How does a mother truly keep alive the memory of her baby? Does sharing my emotions and thoughts count as honoring the memory of my precious Joshua...or am I just sharing these private thoughts as a means to heal myself and release all my pain? I hope these words, while describing my feelings, give mention to my precious Joshua's memory too. How do I keep alive the memory of a newborn baby that very few people knew, but many know of? The only answer I can come up with is this...that Joshua is part of me...who I was and who I will become. I will never be the same person I was prior to his birth. I will never be the same person I was prior to his death. Joshua shaped who I am and who I will become. I am the physical reminder of his memory.

We will not get to watch Joshua grow. We will not get to watch Joshua play with Brianna and Joseph...but he lives on through who I am as a person. So, by sharing my emotions and thoughts, I am in someway sharing Joshua with you.

Joshua blessed our lives in so many ways during his short life and there will never be a single day that we will not think about him, that we will not talk about him, that we will stop loving him, and that we will not miss him. Joshua is in my heart, soul and mind every second, of every day. He is my son and always will be. Joshua is in every tear that falls on my face and every painful beat of my heart. He has brought our family a happiness we will never feel again and never forget - the joy of having another baby! Joshua will always be our precious baby, our sweet son. I held Joshua in my arms for a little while, but I will hold him in my heart forever.

From the very beginning I loved you, as I made plans to hold you and rock you. You were tiny and helpless as you lay in my womb...but something went wrong and soon you were gone. My young heart was broken, my tears fell like raid. I'd never known such heartache and pain. I wonder who you look like, me or daddy. Do you have my smile and his eyes? Would you have been big and tall or tiny and small? We had dreams for you that reached the skies. Thanks to Jesus, I'll see you in heaven. I'll hold you in heaven someday, when my trials on earth pass away. The angels have rocked you, the Father watches over you. I know you're waiting for me. I could never hold you or tell you "Goodbye," but I'll hold you in heaven someday. Until I can hold you in heaven, know that I will always love you, I will always miss you, and I will always keep you in my heart! Mommy loves you!

I encourage you to visit his website and read all about him at:

By Joshua's Mommy: Anna-Lizza

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