the LOST ones


My twin girls

My story started back on 29 October 1999 going to work, just another normal day. I was 19 weeks pregnant with twin girls. That morning I wasn't feeling well however I still went to work. I travelled on the train from Porirua to Wellington. When I arrived there I sat at my desk and logged on to my computer in etc. I went to the toilet and then noticed a bubble between my legs which meant that the membranes had ruptured. I felt absolutely terrified and so went back to my desk, but I found that I couldn't sit down. I stood up, walked around just wondering what the hell to do. I then told my work colleagues that I think the twins are coming so they all got up and raced around. My boss and the others came around just staring at me however one of the girls Chrissie offered to take me to the hospital. She told me I should have phoned for an Ambulance but I said that I would be okay. I phoned my husband to be Robert to hurry up and drive out to Wellington from Pori rua as the babies were coming.

When I got there we went into the rooms where I was examined. I was scared and alone but thankfully Chrissy was there to hold my hand until my Robert arrived. They examined me and the nurse said that I had dilated 6 cm and had gone into premature labour. Both her and the doctor apoligised over and over again but still I was in shock and didn't know what to expect. Robert arrived and I was sure he didn't know what to expect as these were our first babies. We then went for a scan and you could see the babies moving around quite happily but then you could also see that my cervix had clearly opened up (and in the background you could hear the specialists say why hadn't she come sooner - and that's all you needed to hear!!!) Then the specialists came in to say that there was only one option left and that was to put in a stitch to close the cervix. We both agreed, however this was unsuccessful as we heard the specialist quite clearly saying - no I can't do it!!!. Then he apologised, took off his gloves then walked away. Our only option was to be induced and go into full labour. We were absolutely guttered.

We were allowed to wait up to 12 hours, so my parents could drive from New Plymouth. I was absolutely distraught and Mum said wait until I get there. They arrived at the hospital about 1am in the morning, my father asking me - What's wrong?? I said - the babies are coming Dad. He kept saying no no no and I just started crying. So relieved Mum and Dad were here.
More relatives arrived during the night and in the morning my work colleagues arrived to see how I was doing. I told them the news and thanked them for coming up but I didn't realise the emotional toll that this was going to have on me.
I was time to be induced - so they put the needle in and it all started. Just a few hours later I was started to have labour pains so I got up and walked around. I cried as I noticed that one of the twins had stopped moving and that I couldn't feel her kicking anymore. My Mum just hugged me and held me.

I got up to go to the toilet my water broke and then I had to hurry and hop back on the bed. The pain was incredible as it was the first time I had experienced anything like it. Family members were coming in and out, just waiting for the babies. Mum had asked me a few hours earlier what we were going to do with the babies. Then she said that they were going to come out as little babies - that idea just hit me! I felt sick - very very sick, I kept looking at Robert and I could tell by his face that he was just as frightened as I was.
The time came when I had fully dilated and I had to push. Such paid and agony, I could feel that they were coming down, and in one mighty push and a scream they both came out together, one baby holding the other that died inside. We could see that the baby was trying to breathe but we couldn't do anything. We could see the heart beating and then Robert just broke down and said she is still alive. We were guttered. I said let me hold them. They felt so warm and heavy, I wanted them to wake up - but seeing and feeling Sabrina's heartbeat was just heartbreaking.

My father came in the room, took one look and his face changed in shock, then all of my relatives came in. I could hear Mum breaking down and watching my Aunties break into tears.
We were just dumbfounded, felt numb and hopeless. They left Robert and I so we could have time with them by ourselved. We washed our babies, put nightgowns on them and held them.
We took photos of them as wel and put them in a little basket, where they slept next to us that night.
I couldn't sleep - I kept looking at them, thinking why did this happen, why couldn't I or didn't I do anything sooner. Robert slept in my bed at the hospital and we just held each other.
Early the next morning, I picked up the basket and said to the girls, we are going to take you to New Plymouth to be buried on top of my brother Uncle Raymound. I said to them that I loved them very very much and that Daddy and I were going to miss them, and then just cried and cried.

The next morning we had our service for them, and then it was time to place them in their casket which my brave husband did.
We travelled to New Plymouth where they had prepared my parents house to hold the funeral.
My Pop said that we has been robbed of being parents - He said out loud - YOU WERE ROBBED!.
More family members turned up and cried with us.
The next morning we had our service, and drove out to Waitara with Robert and I and our babies in the back of our car. Our parents drove us to the Cemetary.

What a painful day - so sad, so so sad.

By Melissa Joseph

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