the LOST ones


Ella & Jamie precious twins

I think it was about 2 months after my 18th Birthday i found out that i was 5 weeks pregnant, i was so shocked but excited at the same time. I went for a scan at 7 weeks and found out i was pregnant with twins!! They were monochorionic/diamniotic twins. I couldnt believe it! But i knew for some reason that i would have twins, my grandad was an identical twin and his wife (my nana) and her sister were fraternal twins. I hoped my twins would have different birthdays, as i didnt like the thought of them sharing one. Crazy i know! I wanted them to have their own special day.
I thought well this is the time i have to pick up the courage and go tell my mum, just didnt want to hear the whole disappointment speech! But my family was actually really good and very supportive so were my friends and my partner.

After waiting long enough i had a scan at 19 weeks, i wanted to find out the sex! I wanted girls, i think every young female teenager wants a girl lol! I was so excited, nothing could have ruined my mood that day. At the scan i was told i was having girls! Yes!! :D but then everything went downhill from there. They had signs of twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). TTTS can occur when you have monochorionic twins that share a placenta. The donor transfuses the blood to the recipient, which can make one baby have too much and have heart failure and the other baby have barely nothing. There was about 2 weeks different in size. There was a lot of fluid in Jamie's sac (twin 1) and very little in Ella's, it looked like she was stuck and wrapped around the membrane. I was freaking out as i knew all about twin to twin transfusion and i prayed that it wouldnt happen to my twins! I knew something was wrong because of how uncomfortable i was, my pregnant belly was rock hard and i couldnt stand up for more than two minutes at a time and also had terrible back pain!

A couple of days later i went for another scan at national womens hospital and was chucked into high-risk maternity. It confirmed that Jamie and Ella had stage 3 twin to twin. Jamie was the "recipient twin" and Ella was the "donor twin". Ella had a very little bladder and was noted as the "stuck twin". I needed urgent treatment and the doctors discussed with me about going to Australia for laser surgery, this would laser off the connecting vessels that make twin to twin transfusion. I was so upset i only could have hope, i cried for days and days.

My mum and I were sent to Australia at 20 weeks for the laser treatment. I was at Mater Mothers Hospital in Brisbane, the staff were so great there. I was sedated during the operation, however i never had enough sleep when i was pregnant and it fully knocked me out. The risk of the laser surgery, was i could lose both twins, i twin, one or both could be brain damaged or i could go in to pre-term labour. I woke up after the operation having know idea what had happend. The surgery couldnt be performed because the girls umbilical cords were too close together in the middle of the placenta rather than either side. They couldnt reach the veins so instead the drained 1.5 litres of fluid from the Jamies sac, and made a whole in the membrance so fluid would reach Ella.

Ella was no longer stuck and the girls were progressing. My doctor in Australia told me it could be a couple of weeks or longer when il need another drainage. If i had made it to 30 weeks he said to deliver then, not to go over. We flew back to New Zealand and waited a couple of days to ring the hospital again for another check-up. However i was starting to feel uncomfortable again and i knew all the fluid had come back. I had another scan at 22 weeks and it showed the twin to twin transfusion was stable and the girls were ok, but i would need another drainage. I though this was reassuring and i was hoping my girls would be fine. The next day i they drained 1.1 litres of fluid out of Jamie again and all was successful.

But again a couple of days later i became uncomfortable again,i thought this was too fast i shouldnt need another drainage. I went back for a scan at 23 weeks and found out the TTTS had got worse! Both Jamie and Ella had their own problems with their little bodies. Jamie was very big at this stage and now had fluid around her heart, indicating heart failure had begun and Ella's kidneys were failing and dopplers were abnormal. Aparently there was no hope for Ella, my girls were definitely going to die soon unless they acted upon it immediately. They gave me 3 options.

Option 1: Give birth tomorrow and both Jamie and Ella will die.
Option 2: Have umbilical ligation for Ella so Jamie will live.
Option 3: Do nothing, and let the TTTS take its course..

They were the most horrible options in my life, the hardest decision i would ever had to make. I thought this was nightmare and i was going to wake up soon and be back at 19 weeks waiting for my scan. I couldnt make a decision like that, they were my daughters, my babies. It can't be over so soon! They gave me the afternoon to think for a decision. I went home and talked about it with my mum and my partner, my partner and i had decided after going through so much we would at least want one baby, my poor lil Ella was going to heaven. The next day the operation was performed, i was so unhappy and depressed. But the doctors reassured me this would now be singleton pregnancy and all would be ok. I had a scan later on that night and Jamie was moving around and being very active. The doctors said this was a good sign and the operation had gone well.

I went home the next day in a daze, i was out of it. I wanted both my girls!! But at least i still had Jamie alive, thinking of her kept me going. I went for a follow up scan the following Monday at 24 weeks. Jamie had died as well.
I screamed and cried against my mum, how could this happen?? I did everything i was suppose to! I went through all the treatment! How could they both still die! Why was jamie dead?? A million thoughts were running through my brain, its all over.

The following day i was enduced at national womans, i didnt go into established labour until they broke my waters at 10:40pm. At 11:42pm gave birth to Jamie and 20 mins later at 12:03am i gave birth to Ella who was breach. They had different birthdays just what i wanted.
Jamie 24/07/07 & Ella 25/07/07

I had them cremated, so they wouldnt be alone and would always be with me.
My babies have been gone for almost 4 months now,i miss them terribly and wish they were here.
I love them so much, i have to keep thinking il be with them soon.
Now i feel safe and comforted because there always looking out for me, always watching over me. Nothing can harm me now.

>>>>>>>>> R.I.P <<<<<<<<<
>>>***Jamie Rose & Ella Jewel***<<<

By Ashley

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