the LOST ones


Julia Rose - Joy's story

Julia was going to be our last child as we already had a four year old son. It was a very different pregnancy to Bayden (Big Brother) as early on in the pregnancy it was discovered that I had anti k antibodies in my blood. After the inital visit with the specialist it was decided that I would need monthly blood test and that I could stay under midwife care. We decided that we wouldn't find out the sex of the baby, but I had a feeling that you would be a girl. The rest of the pregnancy went well, despite morning sickness until 20 weeks. After much deliberation we decided on names. Julia after your great grandmother. Sadly two weeks before you were born we suddenly lost your grandmother (Daddy's Mother).

Once we returned home I went for my usual monthly visit with the midwife, Dinie.
It was Tueseday 31 October and a day I will never forget.
After trying for ten minutes to find your heartbeat, Dinie sent me to Rotorua hospital to be put on their monitor. On my way up to the hospital I rung your Daddy and told him what was happening and to come up to the hospital. I was getting really worried. After arriving at the hospital and being put on the monitor for fifiteen minutes they were still unable to find your heartbeat. They wanted to send me for an emergency scan, I asked them to wait for your Dad to arrrive, but they wanted to get it done straight away. So off I went with the registra doctor to the radiology department, with my mind spinning. What seemed to take hours only took half an hour and I was given the devastating news. We'd lost you a week and a half before (around the same time as your Nana). I didn't hear the rest as I broke down in tears. Your Daddy finally arrived and we hugged and cried some more. I asked Dinie, the midwife, if they knew what had happened and she said it looked like Fetal Hydrops. A specialist came to see us and when asked if we could have a c-section we were told that we would have to deliver you naturally. We ended up going home that night with you still with us.

The following day, Wednesday 1st November, we went back to the hospital so I could be given the tablets to stop hormone production. Daddy and I talked the night before and we decided that we wanted an autopsy performed to find out why we had lost you. By this time your other Nana (Mummy's Mother) had arrived to give us the support we needed.
Spent the next day, Thursday 2nd November, at home. I kept thinking I'd wake up and it would all be a horrible nightmare, but it wasn't to be.

I went back to the hospital on Friday 3rd November to be induced. Your labour only took two hours and the contractions were 45 seconds long and 30 seconds apart. At 12.00pm after two pushes you came into this world. Your Nana (Mummy's mother) was with us when you were born and she said the words I'll never forget, it’s a little girl and she's peaceful, she looks like she's sleeping". My thoughts had been right. You were wrapped in the plastic sheet and handed to me. At last I got to hold my little girl. Daddy took photos of you and we got one of you, Mummy and Daddy. We also got your hand print.

Your aunties Fiona, Sarah and Anna brought Bayden up to see you and share the precious time we had with you. We had you with us for three hours before you were taken away for your flight to Wellington, before you left I said "Goodbye sweetheart, I love you".

Once you were gone we were able to go home, it didn't feel right leaving the hospital without you..
Once home plans were made for your funeral. We were going to hold a small service for you in Hastings. You were going to be cremated and placed with your Nana who had passed away at the same time.
I finally got to see you again on Monday 6th November at the funeral home. You looked so tiny in your little casket, but looked very beautiful in the outfit we'd picked out for you. Your funeral was to be held the next day.

The day of your funeral....

It's ironic that it should be a perfectly sunny day on one of the saddest days of our lives. During the service I kept hold of daddy's hand and looked at a picture of the three of us.We had a song picked out to play, but unfortunately it wouldnt work. The ironic thing is is that i worked once we got back to the house.
After the service we were standing outside and Bayden released a single pink helium balloon for you, at first he didn't want to let it go, but when I told him that it was for you to play with up in heaven he let it go and started sobbing.

"The most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched, They must be felt within the heart.

Julia Rose-Joy
Born Friday 3rd November 2006 @ 26 weeks gest.
12.00pm @ Rotorua hospital New Zealand
Joined the angels Friday 3rd November 2006 @ 12.00pm
1 lb 8 oz
30cm long
Eyes that never saw the world

By Carley Rivers


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